I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
