Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
