separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
