All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
