sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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