I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
