I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
3pm strippers are depressing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
why is half of my head shaved?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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