Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hippo gnu deer
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
