i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
