when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
