Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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