i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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