I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
