There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
