we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The air was thick with penises
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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