Kareoke will never be a sober sport
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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