When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We named our party play list daddy issues
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
