oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
