i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
