And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The air was thick with penises
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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