i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
