If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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