We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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