I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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