clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
