ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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