U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
