You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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