never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone came in the potted fern
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
