no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
