so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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