Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
