Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
