I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
