So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
