I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
