apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
