You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
