My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
