it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
