I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just pee around me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
