I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
