Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
