dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
