just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm getting married
To pizza
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
