I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
