Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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