how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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