hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
