need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
